Turning 26 Tomorrow

"Issue": 066

I’m sitting in the office with the new Tyler album playing over our Marshall speakers. My shoulders rotate in a cocky manner, as if I wrote this album. I enjoy cosplaying as Tyler a lot. I have the Igor wig, I’ll rock it from time to time. Big shades on. Silent but my motions loud.

There’s something to having aesthetic models that help me unlock more of myself. Tyler is one. Frank is one. I don’t always feel the expressive freedom I desire working within technology as an industry. I struggle with this often.

Across from me, two engineers whiteboard out some designs. Luca is on a creative wave working on -redacted-

There’s money in the bank. The office is clean. The new product is hot. My mind is clear.

Tomorrow I’ll be turning 26 on the 26th. Tomorrow I’ll be driving upstate to the mountains with bae to give myself a much needed break in nature.

I want that fuzzy film feeling. That hop in the whip and say the perfect line feeling. I want that people know I’ve been right on the wave for longer than most feeling.

26 feels heavier than a lot of my other birthdays for some reason. That’s probably why I need to get away for a bit.

I’ve never felt so content and so frustrated simultaneously. So creative and so dull simultaneously. Is this what aging is? Holding more and more at the same time. Crossing the wires, trying to hit the sync right…

Every morning I wake up asking myself, who am I trying to be & what am I trying to do?

Then I let my subconscious handle the weight of that question. If I actively answer it, I know it’ll be the same answer I always have… and so I must let my becoming happen. I have to allow it to happen while making it happen, something I learned during my turmoils in competitive golf.

Everyday I recognize my blessings. I think about the chain from my abuela leaving the Dominican Republic to me meeting Luca in LA. I see supreme divinity to all of it.

I recognize I control everything. I recognize that I am destined and it has all been set. I recognize it is all path discovery.

Everyday I pray I’m becoming who I’m supposed to be. To myself, to everyone.

I don’t do edits really, so excuse typos and things that don’t make sense.

Thanks so much for giving me your attention. I hope it was worth it, if not… unsubscribing will not hurt my feelings, and will give you back time you literally cannot have back.

Much love.

Live in the light